High Noon

EDITOR: Hey, Stephenie. Thanks for coming in. I just finished Breaking Dawn.

SM: Oh, great! How'd you like it?

EDITOR: Pretty good. Much more plot than the previous three. Good work!

SM: Thanks, I was trying to actually have a storyline this time.

EDITOR: It shows. I also like how you divided the book into chunks. Gives us a chance to get into someone else's head for a while, see from a different perspective.

SM: Thanks.

EDITOR: I think we need to name these chunks, though. A good title can help so much, don't you agree?

SM: Er...yes...

EDITOR: A good title can tantalize, hint--not give too much away but still really give readers an idea of what's to come. I have some great title ideas for you.

SM: Okay! That'd be pretty helpful, I guess. Shoot.

EDITOR: All right. The first part--wait for it, this is sheer genius--I think you should call the first part "Bella Likes Sex."

SM: What?

EDITOR: "Bella Likes Sex." Isn't it perfect?

SM: Um, don't you think it's a little, uh, on the nose?

EDITOR: But that's what's so great about it! Readers know exactly what they're getting, but not too much. I mean, they don't know who Bella likes sex with.

SM: I think I'll just stick with calling it "Bella."

EDITOR: Well, your loss. Okay, part two. Part two is a little trickier. I'm toying with two options here. Let me run the first one by you: "Jacob Hates Vampires."

SM: A bit obvious for a title, isn't it?

EDITOR: Well, really, Stephenie, what else have you given me to work with here?

SM: There's more to Jacob than his hatred of vampires. Can't you do something with that?

EDITOR: Of course you're right. That leads me to my second title choice, if you don't like the first one--

SM: Yes, please.

EDITOR: Okay: "Jacob is a Jerk."

SM: What??

EDITOR: Come on, Stephenie. You've got to admit that you've written one of the most unlikable characters ever. And considering that we're actually supposed to like him anyway, this is quite a feat.

SM: I disagree. And I think there are a lot of fans that would disagree as well.

EDITOR: Really? How could they? I mean, Jacob is a character who is so full of self-reflection, which you'd think would unearth so much depth. But really, he never has any kind of self-realization. He's shallow and angst-ridden and basically, well, a jerk. Hence the title.

SM: Well, wouldn't you be? Angst-ridden and all that. Considering all he's been through.

EDITOR: Oh, probably. But I hope I'd grow, and not because of some obvious plot-contrivance, but naturally.

SM: Plot-contrivance?

EDITOR: Oh, yeah, sorry. Minor nit-picky detail there. It bothered me when Jacob--

SM: I wrote it, you don't need to tell me.

EDITOR: True. Plus, you can see it coming a mile away.

SM: Hmph.

EDITOR: Well, we obviously have some differences of opinion over part two. But I'm sure we can agree about part three.

SM: Yeah, we'll see.

EDITOR: Now, you can see I'm an advocate for those short, sound-byte titles. But part three doesn't lend itself to that easily.

SM: No?

EDITOR: No. A lot of stuff happens in part three! I mean, a lot!

SM: Thank you?

EDITOR: Indeed! Nice job, really.

SM: So, what's the problem?

EDITOR: Well, my title idea is kind of a mouthful.

SM: Let's hear it.

EDITOR: Okay. "Lots of Stuff Happens, and Then It Gets Predictable and Cheesy. (P.S. Bella Likes Sex.)"

SM: Bella does like sex. I'll give you that one. But "predictable" and "cheesy"?

EDITOR: C'mon, Steph. Think.

SM: "Cheesy"...yeah, you're right. But it's a romance at heart, gimme a break. It always has been, from the beginning.

EDITOR: Okay, I'll cave on that. But predictable, you gotta admit it's predictable.

SM: No, I don't!

EDITOR: My secretary read your manuscript and promised me that there was a great twist in it, that I'd never see where it was going. Did I, uh, did I get a different copy?

SM: No...

EDITOR: Then I'm sticking with predictable.

SM: *sigh* Can we go to press anyway?

EDITOR: Sure. You write really well! I mean that. I look forward to your next book!