Meh.

I like young adult fiction in general. It tends to be lightweight and easy to read, and it's usually pretty entertaining to boot.

Scott Westerfeld's Ugliesmeets two of those criteria: it's lightweight and easy to read. But it's not so much with the entertaining.

Oh, it starts off well enough. Tally, the main character, lives in a post-apocalyptic future where everything is just peachy. People learned from the mistakes of the "Rusties," the generations of the past that cut down too many trees and used too much raw material to build cities and basically robbed the land blind. So we've got the Environmental Message coming through loud and clear.

Then there's also the fact that in this society, your life is divided into neat little stages: you are born and grow up with your parents as a "Littlie" in the suburbs until age 12, at which point you become an "Ugly" and are shipped off to Uglyville. When you turn 16, you receive an operation that turns you into a "Pretty," and you get to party all day every day in New Pretty Town. As you age, you'll have another operation when you are a "Middle Pretty" and choose a career, and eventually, when you're really old, you'll become a "Crumbly" and move to Crumblyville. It's just the way it's done, and everyone's happy with it.

Almost everyone, of course. There has to be some drama, right? The central question is, then, why do we have to look/act/think/be like everyone else? What about our individual faces/thoughts/bodies/actions? So then we've got the Everyone Is Beautiful In Their Own Way Message (also known as the I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, And Doggone It, People Like Me Message).

Both of these messages are fine, really. But my goodness, could they be any more obvious? I think not. Even for the teen set, for whom this book is intended, I think it's a bit overly didactic.

I could forgive that, though, if it reached any kind of conclusion. It doesn't. It's the cheapest way ever to get people to read your sequels: don't end. At all. No kidding---by the time this book "ends"--and I use that term very loosely--not one single complication that has been brought up throughout the story has been resolved. Not. One. This made me feel like all 425 pages had been The Longest Setup Ever for the next book, and I think that's a cheap trick.

In the end, I just didn't care enough about anyone to make me want to continue--and I'd had enough Very Important Messages. Maybe you'll feel differently.

Shameless self-promotion

I know, I know. No post forever and then this? Shameless self-promotion? Disgusting!

It's true, and I apologize. But I'll continue with the shamelessness anyway.

Not long ago, I wrote this post about the University of Utah Singers, so I don't need to go into all that background again. Instead, I'll get right to it and explain that Carol of Joy is our newest album--the first one I am on!--and I'm very excited about it.

This is a Christmas CD and features every kind of carol you can imagine, from the traditional "Ding Dong, Merrily on High" to the show choir-esque "Need a Little Christmas" to the ward choir-y "Were You There" to the brand new (and beautiful) title track "Carol of Joy." I know it's not even Thanksgiving yet and believe me, I'm a staunch believer in no Christmas music until after that November holiday. But I also think it's stupid to buy new Christmas albums and give them on Christmas day, because then you don't get all the joy of listening to them leading up to Christmas.

So yes, I want to sell you this CD. I want you to buy it. I want you to buy multiple copies (*grin*), because as I stated in that other post, I do get credit toward helping me pay for tour. But I'm also all about full disclosure, so let me tell you the down sides of this album.

"Lo, How a Rose E'er Blooming" is absolutely the weakest cut on this album. The balance is ridiculously bad, and some high soprano (whose name shall not be mentioned on this blog, EVER) took it as a personal challenge to make the last note, uh, shall we say, featured. It's a pity, because the arrangement is really quite stunning. The Rutter carol "Mary's Lullaby" features that same soprano when she refuses to breathe with the rest of the choir. Yeah. "What Sweeter Music Can We Bring?" is also not...great. And there are some (legitimate) solo moments on "'Round the Glory Manger" that I don't particularly care for.

But that's, what, four tracks out of 23? Those are some pretty good odds that you'll find more to like here than dislike. "Sing We Now of Christmas" is my absolute favorite, and "El Rorro" is pretty good, too. And the words to "In Silent Night" are really, really nice.

Overall, I think it's worth having, and I'm not just sayin' that. So if you'd like to buy one, or two, or five hundred, let me know! You can order via the link above (where there is also a special sale going on--all three U of U Singers Christmas albums for $35)--if you do this, be sure to list my name as your referral--or you can order directly through me.

Happy (early) holidays, and Merry (early) Christmas, and thus ends this edition of Shameless Self-Promotion.

P.S. You can listen to a few samples here.

*swoon*

In the spirit of unfairly compartmentalizing people, allow me to tell you that you will fit into one of the following categories. In order of most to least shameful:

1. You have never even heard of Brian Stokes Mitchell.

2. You hadn't heard of him until recently, because, say, you went to a Tabernacle Choir concert where he was performing, and now you really like him.

3. You knew who he was years ago and have been singing his praises forever.

I refuse to admit the existence of a fourth category (which, incidentally, would be the most shameful of all, and would therefore be labeled as zero): you don't like Brian Stokes Mitchell. For shame.

If you are in category one, you most certainly need to get yourself into category two, and work your way into category three. Even if you're in category three, you might only know him because of his Broadway work (Ragtime, Kiss Me, Kate, Man of La Mancha...I could go on). And his Broadway work is fantastic. But you really need to check out his debut solo CD.

Almost all of the songs on this CD are indeed showtunes, but they're performed as if they're all jazz tunes. "Something's Coming," from West Side Story, is a fusion of Spanish dance and jazz--I defy you to listen and not tap your feet. I don't really care for Sondheim as a general rule, but I could listen to Brian Stokes Mitchell sing "Being Alive" forever. And my favorite tune on the album isn't a showtune at all: "Life is Sweet" is the peppiest, swingy-est, scatty-est jazz number ever, and you'll have to push "repeat." It's that good.

Brian Stokes Mitchell can sing anything, I swear. His voice is amazingly rich and so very expressive. (Hence the reason that the paring of him and Audra McDonald in Ragtime is so great--but that's for another post.) It will make you all melty inside. Even if you think you don't like jazz or showtunes, this album will change your mind. Do yourself a huge favor and pick it up. Because you can't have mine. It's autographed! Swoon, indeed.

Music to Be Busy By

Whew! It's been a crazy month (and it ain't over yet)--hence the complete dearth of posts. I've been spending very little time at home and quite a bit of time in my car, where this CD has been living.

I'll be up front with you: I sing with the University of Utah Singers. You may think this fact makes me a little biased. (It probably does.) But I did not belong to the group when they recorded A Jubilant Song, so you have to believe me when I tell you that this CD is fantastic.

This entirely acappella CD was recorded shortly after the Singers won the grand prize in what amounts to the World Series of choral singing. (Nerd heaven!) They were at the top of their game, and if they sound a little vocally tired in a few tracks, we can hardly blame them---it was the very end of a month-long tour during which they sang around 40 pieces with pretty severe regularity. But these little hiccups are so rare that you probably won't even notice them as you revel in the absolutely gorgeous sounds on this album.

Since the music on this CD ranges from the incredibly difficult (like "Rytmus" and "Psalm 96") to the astoundingly beautiful (like "Pilgrims' Hymn") to folk songs and spirituals (Moses Hogan makes an appearance) to the super eclectic (like Asian folk music), I am not ashamed to use the cliche saying that there really is something for everyone here.

You can listen to samples at the link above, and purchase from that site as well. And a shameless plug for me: should you decide to buy that CD (or any of the other six currently available, or the new Christmas CD being released at the end of October, please mention my name. We're going on tour in the spring and I get $10 of every $15 sale deposited directly to my tour account. Hooray for fundraising!

I promise, though, even if I didn't get money off the sale, I'd recommend this album. It's really, really good. Now, if you'll pardon me, I think I have to go drive somewhere...

*insert clever pop culture reference here*

I shall tell you a story.

One day, I was watching TV and left the room for a moment. When I came back, TV Announcer Guy said: Next: the series premiere of Gilmore Girls. Curious, I stayed tuned. For seven years.

If you don't know, Gilmore Girls was a series on the WB about a mother and daughter, the quirky town they live in, and the ridiculously good looking man who keeps them in coffee. It's a show about relationships, but it's also very, very funny--that is, when it's not making you angry (season seven, I'm looking at you).

(Incidentally, don't judge the show by season seven. They had new writers that year after the original creator/writer left in a huff and wrote them into a corner, because she's apparently twelve years old. Season seven was bad. But the first--well, the first five seasons are just great. Season six is a little...questionable.)

The show is full of pop culture references. You won't get them all. (If you do, you might need to get out more.) So watch it with someone--because the ones you miss, they'll get, and vice versa. And the ones you both miss? Well, it's educational.

I know they talk fast. That's part of why I like it. Don't tell me it's not realistic. I don't care.

I'm feeling pressure to be extremely witty and relevant in this post because of the subject material, and I'm aware that I'm failing miserably. I guess that's my cue to go watch more Gilmore Girls and brush up on my witty speed referencing. Wanna come over?

High Noon

EDITOR: Hey, Stephenie. Thanks for coming in. I just finished Breaking Dawn.

SM: Oh, great! How'd you like it?

EDITOR: Pretty good. Much more plot than the previous three. Good work!

SM: Thanks, I was trying to actually have a storyline this time.

EDITOR: It shows. I also like how you divided the book into chunks. Gives us a chance to get into someone else's head for a while, see from a different perspective.

SM: Thanks.

EDITOR: I think we need to name these chunks, though. A good title can help so much, don't you agree?

SM: Er...yes...

EDITOR: A good title can tantalize, hint--not give too much away but still really give readers an idea of what's to come. I have some great title ideas for you.

SM: Okay! That'd be pretty helpful, I guess. Shoot.

EDITOR: All right. The first part--wait for it, this is sheer genius--I think you should call the first part "Bella Likes Sex."

SM: What?

EDITOR: "Bella Likes Sex." Isn't it perfect?

SM: Um, don't you think it's a little, uh, on the nose?

EDITOR: But that's what's so great about it! Readers know exactly what they're getting, but not too much. I mean, they don't know who Bella likes sex with.

SM: I think I'll just stick with calling it "Bella."

EDITOR: Well, your loss. Okay, part two. Part two is a little trickier. I'm toying with two options here. Let me run the first one by you: "Jacob Hates Vampires."

SM: A bit obvious for a title, isn't it?

EDITOR: Well, really, Stephenie, what else have you given me to work with here?

SM: There's more to Jacob than his hatred of vampires. Can't you do something with that?

EDITOR: Of course you're right. That leads me to my second title choice, if you don't like the first one--

SM: Yes, please.

EDITOR: Okay: "Jacob is a Jerk."

SM: What??

EDITOR: Come on, Stephenie. You've got to admit that you've written one of the most unlikable characters ever. And considering that we're actually supposed to like him anyway, this is quite a feat.

SM: I disagree. And I think there are a lot of fans that would disagree as well.

EDITOR: Really? How could they? I mean, Jacob is a character who is so full of self-reflection, which you'd think would unearth so much depth. But really, he never has any kind of self-realization. He's shallow and angst-ridden and basically, well, a jerk. Hence the title.

SM: Well, wouldn't you be? Angst-ridden and all that. Considering all he's been through.

EDITOR: Oh, probably. But I hope I'd grow, and not because of some obvious plot-contrivance, but naturally.

SM: Plot-contrivance?

EDITOR: Oh, yeah, sorry. Minor nit-picky detail there. It bothered me when Jacob--

SM: I wrote it, you don't need to tell me.

EDITOR: True. Plus, you can see it coming a mile away.

SM: Hmph.

EDITOR: Well, we obviously have some differences of opinion over part two. But I'm sure we can agree about part three.

SM: Yeah, we'll see.

EDITOR: Now, you can see I'm an advocate for those short, sound-byte titles. But part three doesn't lend itself to that easily.

SM: No?

EDITOR: No. A lot of stuff happens in part three! I mean, a lot!

SM: Thank you?

EDITOR: Indeed! Nice job, really.

SM: So, what's the problem?

EDITOR: Well, my title idea is kind of a mouthful.

SM: Let's hear it.

EDITOR: Okay. "Lots of Stuff Happens, and Then It Gets Predictable and Cheesy. (P.S. Bella Likes Sex.)"

SM: Bella does like sex. I'll give you that one. But "predictable" and "cheesy"?

EDITOR: C'mon, Steph. Think.

SM: "Cheesy"...yeah, you're right. But it's a romance at heart, gimme a break. It always has been, from the beginning.

EDITOR: Okay, I'll cave on that. But predictable, you gotta admit it's predictable.

SM: No, I don't!

EDITOR: My secretary read your manuscript and promised me that there was a great twist in it, that I'd never see where it was going. Did I, uh, did I get a different copy?

SM: No...

EDITOR: Then I'm sticking with predictable.

SM: *sigh* Can we go to press anyway?

EDITOR: Sure. You write really well! I mean that. I look forward to your next book!

Hindsight is 20/20

In retrospect, the subtitle should've given it away.

When I stumbled across My Name is Willin Borders a couple of weeks ago, I was so excited. After all, I'm a huge Shakespeare nerd. And the book is by Jess Winfield, one of the founding members of the Reduced Shakespeare Company, whose roaringly funny Complete Works is, well, roaringly funny.

My Name is Will is, well, not so much.

Okay, so the subtitle is "A Novel of Sex, Drugs, and Shakespeare." How was I to know that instead of the subtle (and not-so-subtle) innuendo performed with such hilarity by the RSC, this book would be pretty much pornographic? How could I have anticipated that a man who wrote a script full of such clever pop culture references would write a novel filled with almost painfully self-aware references and Shakespearean quotes that practically scream, "Look at me! I'm trying to be clever!"

I kept hoping this book would get better. But it doesn't. In fact, it never even seems to reach any kind of...I can't find a word that doesn't seem sexual in the context of this filthy, filthy book. It never comes together. (That's as benign as I can get. Sorry.)

It left me feeling empty and dirty and sad. It could've been great. But it was pretty much the complete opposite. Don't waste your time even reading the dust jacket.

I am old.

It's true. Today I am officially one year older than I was last year at this time. However, there are some things that are still older than me. The Cheesecake Factory is one of them.

The Cheesecake Factory is yummy. The Cheesecake Factory has a huge variety of entrees and cheesecake. The Cheesecake Factory is quite sinful.

I went there today for my birthday and enjoyed a lunch portion of chicken and pasta. For a lunch portion, it was still surprisingly large--large enough that I brought half of it home for leftovers. They've got pasta, chicken, sandwiches, soup, salad, fish--you name it, they've probably got it. And it's not all fancy stuff, either--they've got battered fish and chips and comfort food like meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

It is pricey. Lunch is cheaper, obviously, but I couldn't tell you how much for sure as someone paid for me (thanks, Marianne!). I did get a glance at the prices, though, and it ain't cheap. But it's tasty.

Of course, the cheesecake, normally around seven dollars a gigantic, gigantic slice, is definitely cheap if you go on The Cheesecake Factory's 30th anniversary (older than me), which conveniently occurred today, which is also conveniently International Cheesecake Day. All of this means that today we enjoyed gigantic, gigantic slices of cheesecake for only $1.50.

I ate this:

Chocolate Tuxedo Cream. Oh. My. Gosh. My friend and I agreed that their cheesecake is probably illegal somewhere. All I know for sure is that my pants don't fit anymore, but it was worth it.

A truth universally acknowledged...

In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love this movie.*

Oh, gosh, that was cheesy. Let's start again.

On second thought, no, I'll stick with it. A cheesy way to begin, certainly, but absolutely not a cheesy scene in the best film adaptation of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.

The A&E version (not to be confused with the BBC version,which I have not seen) has it all: it stays true to the source material (read her before you mock her, boys--Jane Austen is incredibly witty), it has the most annoying Mrs. Bennet and the most disgusting Mr. Collins known to man (both of which are good things), and, most importantly of all, it has the best Mr. Darcy ever.

Don't let the length turn you away from this movie. It's a miniseries, so it's conveniently broken into 50 minute segments. Plus, contrary to popular belief, it's only five hours, not six. And anyway, once you hit video four/the beginning of the second DVD, you won't want to stop. Those of you who've seen it know what I'm talking about.

So give it a chance. Sure, Mr. Bingley is a goofball and a walking smiley face and Jane kind of looks like, well, a horse. But...I have no words. It's good. Watch it.

*Sorry, Ms. Austen.

Mmmm... *drool*

Despite really, really enjoying food, I don't really like to cook. It's just so time consuming, what with all the shopping and chopping and rushing to the emergency room for stitches.

Oddly enough, though, I love cooking shows. I don't have cable, but if I did, rest assured I'd watch the Food Network pretty much all the time (when "What Not To Wear" isn't on, that is). Lucky for me, good ol' PBS shows plenty of cooking shows, and the best of them is America's Test Kitchen.

The people on America's Test Kitchen do more than just cook amazing recipes. They also taste-test products (which store-bought white bread is the best? Answer: Pepperidge Farm), rate cooking gadgets (that All-Clad slow-cooker is awesome, but a featureless, inexpensive crock-pot works just as well), and explain the science behind some techniques (room temperature butter really does create a flakier pie crust).

Once, my mom walked past the television when I was watching it and asked what infomercial I had stopped on. I quickly explained that America's Test Kitchen isn't an infomercial. They're not trying to sell you anything (except maybe their cookbooks). Their tests are all completely fair and unbiased. They'll give you reasoning behind their choices, and if they determine that a gadget or food item is overpriced or useless, they'll tell you so.

Sure, it's hosted by a bow-tied, um, geek. But you get used to him. And then gawk at the amazing looking food. And should you want to try it yourself, you can! America's Test Kitchen has a huge line of cookbooks featuring their tried and true recipes, from desserts to thirty-minute recipes to light recipes (which is pretty amazing, as their chefs are huge fans of heavy cream). The cookbooks I've seen have explanations of how they arrived at this particular recipe and include buying guides for ingredients (Newman's Own lemonade is good, Snapple is not). You can even buy DVDs of the show.

If you like to cook, you really need to check out America's Test Kitchen. If you don't like to cook, you can still drool over that triple layer strawberry cream cake.

I have low cholesterol.

Yes, it's nice to have low cholesterol, I suppose, though I'm not really sure what cholesterol is or what it does. All I know is it's apparently supposed to be low, and mine is. Why? Sure, I exercise, try to eat right. But mostly it's because I'm the poster child for Cheerios.
I love Cheerios so much. Especially Honey Nut Cheerios. I think they might actually be laced with an illegal and addictive substance. I think I don't care. Cheerios are the best breakfast cereal slash afternoon munchie slash midnight snack ever. Those toddlers with their tupperware ain't got nothin' on me. Assuming I could prove that my cholesterol before my Cheerios addiction was quite high, I could be to Cheerios what Jared is to Subway.

If you are not a Cheerios connoisseur or something equally difficult to spell, you are missing out. Cheerios comes in a delightful variety of flavors. In order of my personal favorite to the, uh, not as good:

1. Honey Nut Cheerios. The Cheerio to which all other Cheerios aspire.
2. Frosted Cheerios. I'm a sucker for the sugar coating. Sorry, dentists.
3. Multi-Grain Cheerios. Slightly sweetened and oh so yummy.
4. Apple Cinnamon Cheerios. I like these better dry than with milk.
5. TIE: Regular Cheerios and Berry Burst Cheerios. Both good. Depends on my mood.
6. Yogurt Burst Cheerios. I was highly disappointed in these. Cheerios, you can do better.
7. Fruity Cheerios. I actually haven't tried these because I suspect they're pretty much smaller versions of Froot Loops, which I can do without.

And what's this? As I'm looking on the Cheerios website, I'm seeing a new flavor! Cheerios Crunch! Looks like it's time for a grocery run.

The only thing missing from the Cheerios repertoire is a Chocolate Cheerios. C'mon, guys. Hop on the bandwagon. There's Chocolate Honey Bunches of Oats (awesome), Chocolate Special K (meh), Chocolate Chex (pretty good). Where's Chocolate Cheerios?

On the other hand, it's probably good they don't exist. Those poor toddlers are probably sick enough of me stealing their finger food.

An oxymoron? No!

For decades it was considered negative to be nerdy. Pocket protectors, taped glasses, pegged pants--these are not images of ourselves we want anyone to see. (Not that I have any. Okay, except for the pegged pants.) But no more! It is indeed possible to be nerdy and beautiful! That is, if you're a CD of choral music.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am probably the biggest choir nerd on the planet, so it should come as no surprise to you that I have finally included some choral music on this blog. In fact, you're probably more surprised that it took so long. Anyway, I've been listening to Morten Lauridsen's Lux Aeternalately, and I think you should, too.

Lauridsen is a modern composer, but don't let the word "modern" scare you (it usually scares me--echoes of horrible atonal music dance in my ears). He writes incredibly lush, tight harmonies that are an absolute joy to hear. They give me goosebumps. And yes, I'm a nerd. But the music on this CD, particularly the Lux Aeterna set and "O Magnum Mysterium" (my personal favorite), is very, very beautiful.

It's all performed by a professional British choir called Polyphony, and they are very good. Sometimes the tenors go a little crazy, but they're tenors--it's what they do. We can forgive them. And sometimes I feel like they're just singing the notes. They do this very well--they always sound good--but sometimes I wish there was a little more...emotion. A little more ebb and flow in the musical line. This is particularly noticeable to me in "O Nata Lux," part of Lux Aeterna, but I could just be prejudiced because I know and love another recording of that piece.

Anyway, overall this is a very, very good CD and any lover of good music should check it out. Join the nerdy side. It's nice here.

Omigosh! There's plot!!

You may recall that I, uh, kind of ragged on Stephenie Meyer's Twilight. Just a little bit. I said that her work for juveniles was, um, juvenile. Go figure. But mostly, I complained that there was not enough plot for the length of the book. (Just thinking of it makes me go, "Ugggh.")

Well, not so with Meyer's first book for adults, The Host.This book is about 600 pages long, and believe it or not, has almost 600 pages of plot! I know! I couldn't believe it either! On page one, you are immersed into the story and have to swim around for a while before you even quite know what's going on. It's great. And then, guess what? Stuff keeps happening!!

I felt like the book bogged down a little in the second third as it sets up the fairly predictable love story (no spoiler there, really--you can see it coming a mile away), but Meyer's style flows so well and is so easy to read that this isn't too much of a drawback. There are several descriptions of the main character's feelings toward another character, ala Twilight, but unlike in Twilight where these make up 90% of the book, here it's only something like 15%. However, like Twilight, the book is still totally clean.

I won't tell you what the book is about, because half the fun is discovering it as you read (unless you read the blurb, which probably gives everything away anyway), but I will tell you not to be scared by the designation of "science fiction." There are aliens and spaceships and references to deep space and other planets. But this is not hard-core science fiction at all. In fact, you could easily forget it's science fiction at all and just become involved in the (cliche ahead) human-ness of it all.

In short, this book is so much better than Twilight that I hope Ms. Meyer writes more for adults in the future!

When I grow up, I'm going to be Audra McDonald.

Of course, there are a few problems with that plan, but darn it if I'm not going to try.

If you haven't heard of Audra McDonald and you 1) like good singers and/or 2) like musical theater and/or 3) appreciate good music, you are missing out. Allow me to enlighten you with a review of one of her many contributions to the music scene: Build a Bridge.

This album, released in 2006, features songs by artists as diverse as Burt Bacharach, John Mayer, Neil Young, and Randy Newman, all performed to perfection by Audra McDonald. Her solo voice is impressive in not only its physical range (she's got the high notes and the low notes, all the time), but also its emotional expression. For example, she sings "Bein' Green" (yes, Kermit's song) with such heart that you feel like important life decisions are being made, and follows it with "Tom Cat Goodbye," where the anger toward a cheating husband is very clear, and then changes to "I Think It's Going to Rain Today," which is so forlorn that you wonder how she made it through the recording.

Yeah--this album not so much for the depressed. It's extremely mellow. Which isn't a bad thing--not at all. It's just a fact. If you're already feeling really mellow and you simply must listen to this album, then I suggest you put "Wonderful You" on repeat, because it is a very happy, peppy song. In fact, it almost seems out of place on this album filled with heart-wrenching pieces. It's kind of a breath of fresh air.

I love this album even though it has such a sad tone. Audra McDonald's voice is endlessly listenable. Do yourself a favor and check her out.

A Brief Hiatus

Not that I post all that regularly anyway, or that there's that many people reading this thing, but I thought I'd let you know that there most definitely won't be any posts until probably July, because I am going on a much anticipated trip. I'm keeping all my extra wittiness here for a while:



Don't steal it while I'm gone! I don't have that much to begin with.

In no particular order...

...here are some reasons you should not waste your time with this movie.Which, of course, begs the question as to why I'm posting a "BUY ME!" link to it, but, well, to each his own. On to the list!

1. It stars Hayden Christensen. If you don't remember, he's the guy that played Anakin Skywalker. And---spoiler---he turns into Darth Vader! And oh yeah, he's a crummy actor.

2. It's based "100%" off a young adult novel. Which would be fine, except by "100%" the director actually means ".001%." An understandable mistake, really: decimal points and percentages are hard!

3. It's very low on a precious little commodity that some people like to call "plot."

4. Samuel L. Jackson's hair looks really stupid.

5. There's nobody to like in this movie. Nobody to root for. Everybody is a scuzzbucket, even though the main character claims that he's "different." He's, um, not.

6. It's only 83 minutes long, which could definitely be a plus. Some movies are too overgrown for their own good (yes, Narnia 1, I'm talking about you). But this movie coulda used about an extra half hour to, say, develop the characters or the storyline or something. Anything.

7. According to one of the special features, the creative team (I'm tempted to use quotation marks around both of those words) created an entire mythology for these characters and the world, which they feel informed the work. In the same feature, an actor playing one of the lead roles said, "I'd really like to know my character's story." Which leads to the conclusion that the aforementioned mythology did not, in fact, inform anyone of anything. (Least of all the audience.)

And the last reason that comes to mind as to why you should not bother with this film:

8. It sucks.

I kind of feel...guilty.

You know those things you're supposed to like? Or respect? Or find interesting, or whatever? Because they deal with Very Important things? And then you feel guilty if you don't, I dunno, appreciate them? Like, for example, say you read The Diary of Anne Frank and you don't think it was all that amazing. Or you see the original canvas of Van Gogh's Starry Night in a museum, and you are unmoved. You don't necessarily not like these things, you just...aren't that impressed.

That's how I feel about Ishmael Beah's A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier. I really feel like I should be incredibly moved by it. After all, it's about a horrific event (the civil war in Sierra Leone), and its author was a boy soldier who witnessed and participated in terrifying activities, and the author is the same age as me, so you'd think I'd compare my life to his and be a little bit awed and a little bit scared and a whole lot grateful.

And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit of all of those things. There were times in this book that I stopped and thought, "I could never do that," followed by, "...could I?" Followed by, "I hope I never have to find out." So yeah, there's definitely some visceral response going on there. But, I dunno. The book's just not that great.

I feel really guilty saying that. I feel like I should be praising this book from the rooftops just because of the topic. I feel like I'm somehow less of a human being because I wasn't deeply moved by Beah's experiences. I wanted to like this book a lot. I really did. I just...didn't. Mostly it's because of the writing itself. My dad is fond of saying, "His English is much better than my [enter language of choice here]," when hearing people speak for whom English is a second language. And certainly, Beah's English is quite good. But it's just so...accurate. It doesn't sparkle. It has no life. To use a tried and true English Nerd phrase, it doesn't show, it tells. It's extremely dull to read because there's no interesting language use. Sometimes you might as well be reading a textbook.

I'm not completely un-recommending this book (is that a word? It is now), because the events it describes are certainly worth learning about, and the opportunity to do so from someone who lived through them is, for lack of a better word, important. But I can't wholeheartedly recommend it because, frankly, it's just not well-written.

Okay, I feel guilty. I'm going to go crawl under a rock now.

I'm not ashamed!

I admit it. When I first felt the urge to buy this album, I was embarrassed. After feverishly searching through the racks at the store to find their lone copy (and being ridiculously excited when I did), I fervently wished for a self-check out station. I felt like I needed to justify my purchase to the clerk.

But no more! I am proud of the fact that I own the soundtrackto Christopher Guest's film A Mighty Wind, and I don't care who knows it!

The eighteen tracks on this disc are all original, excepting "Start Me Up," which is a Rolling Stones song (and, incidentally, the only track that I skip almost every time). I don't know much about the folk music of the '60s, but I'm told that the rest of these songs are near-perfect parodies and homages to such groups as The Kingston Trio and The New Christy Minstrels. At any rate, they're great songs, ranging from one of the best love songs ever ("When You're Next to Me," which, if it's possible, is actually going to wear out on my CD), to the bizarrely historical ("Skeletons of Quinto"), to war protests ("The Ballad of Bobby and June"), and everything in between.

The New Main Street Singers definitely have the most cheesy songs on the album, but even if you don't like their lyrics (the hilarious "Good Book Song" is one of my favorites), you've got to admire their tight harmonies and all around good musical production. The Folksmen are their polar opposites, as evidenced in the two versions of "Never Did No Wanderin'," both of which are enjoyable in different ways. But my favorite group is Mitch and Mickey. I'm only slightly embarrassed to say that were there entire Mitch and Mickey albums available, I'd buy them.

Plus, one of the songs on this disc, Mitch and Mickey's "A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow," was nominated for an Oscar. So, hey, I'm not the only one.

Buy this album. Embrace your inner faux-folk enthusiast!

The fedora, the whip...

Is there a cooler movie character in all cinematic history than Indiana Jones? I think not. Or if there is, he's pretty high up on a very short list.

Okay, while Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull may not have been all we hoped it would be, it does have one big thing going for it: it makes you nostalgic for the original trilogy.

All three of these movies are great. Well, okay--two of them are great and one of them is a little questionable (Temple of Doom, I'm looking at you), but even that one has some redeeming qualities. Quotable, funny, well-built--and that's just the star! (I kid, of course, but Harrison Ford is extremely charismatic in this role, and nice to look at to boot.) Action, adventure, romance, comedy...throw in a little science and a little of the supernatural, and you've definitely got something for everyone.

This is a set of films everyone should own because they're worth seeing again and again (especially The Last Crusade, which is my favorite--you just can't beat the combination of Harrison Ford and Sean Connery. Though Raiders of the Lost Ark does run a close second). And unlike another trilogy featuring Harrison Ford which shall remain nameless at this time, these films have not been "remastered" (read: screwed up) with "enhanced" (read: over-the-top) special effects.

And now, I leave you with a song.

I ate too many.

Homemade cookies are the best, I know. And my family makes some pretty darn good ones. But if you're in a rush or just don't feel like baking, give Albertsons chocolate chip cookies a try.

Mmmm, so good. They have that really soft, somewhat grainy melt-in-your-mouth texture. And a lot of chocolate chips, but not so many that you're not getting any cookie. And I've been told that they're really good warm, so you could pop them in the microwave for a few seconds.

Did I mention that they're really good? They break apart easily, but don't worry, that's okay--there are no calories in the small pieces, only in whole cookies.

For those of you who brought homemade cookies to the party tonight, don't be offended by this post! Your cookies were awesome. But people can't buy them, now can they? At least not yet...

Enchanting

If ever in your life you've enjoyed a classic Disney animated movie, you need to see Enchanted. This movie manages to poke fun at many Disney/fairytale conventions (talking animals, wicked stepmothers, love at first sight) while telling an original and adorable new story at the same time.

The casting is brilliant. Amy Adams plays Giselle with delightful cartoon innocence. And James Marsden, in addition to being very, very pretty, could not possibly act the role of Prince Charming (sorry---Prince Edward) any more perfectly. Even actors that I personally do not generally care for, like Susan Sarandon and Patrick Dempsey, are wonderful in their roles. The three original songs are also quite entertaining; in particular, the lyrics to "The Happy Working Song" are hilarious, and if the big production surrounding "That's How You Know" doesn't make you smile, well, you might not know how. To smile, that is.

I love how Disney can make fun of itself. I wish the bonus features on the DVD (all actually worthwhile, by the way, excepting the music video easter egg which I actually skipped through as I'm not a Carrie Underwood fan) included something that points out every movie they've referenced. While watching it with my mom tonight, we picked out references to Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White, Lady and the Tramp, Beauty and the Beast, and The Little Mermaid. And who knows what we missed.

If this review sounds a little like gushing, it's because it is. This is really a lovely movie. And look, I can't be witty all the time. The pressure!

First and better

Before there was Twilight there was Sunshine.

Wow, that sounds all metaphorical and poetic. But I'm being literal! Sure, Stephenie Meyer's vampire series is flying off the shelves. And hey, it ain't bad. Meyer writes well with an easy-to-read style. She's just not (and I'm preparing for the hatred that's sure to come my way for saying this) the best storyteller. What I mean is, she writes 100 pages of plot in 500 pages. Throw in 300 pages of swoon, and I'm starting to get bored. (Yes, I've read all three, and yes, I'll read the fourth. I'm hypocritical, I know.)

But Robin McKinley's infinitely superior Sunshine is, well, infinitely superior. McKinley's style is equally easy-to-read, the characters are better developed, and the plot is a bit less juvenile. Not that that's necessarily a flaw in Meyer's books, since they're young adult lit to begin with. I'm just saying, if you want something in the same vein that's a bit more...well, interesting, check out Sunshine.

Unlike the Twilight series, the supernatural is so seamlessly a part of Sunshine's world that no one is shocked to find vampires or werewolves or zombies or wizards or anything. And it's all presented so nonchalantly that you might not even be aware you're reading a fantasy/science fiction book until you make yourself stop and think about it. And the main character, who narrates, speaks so conversationally that you feel like she's in the room with you, telling you a story.

On second thought, maybe I can be literal and poetic at the same time. Sunshine was first, and brilliant. Twilight came later, and was a little, well, dimmer.

Pardon Our Errant Punctuation

As promised (?) in the very first post on this blog, I've become an Amazon.com Associate, which means I've implemented links to Amazon pages where you can buy the stuff I'm rambling about and earn me a teensy bit of cash.

For some reason, these links are causing extra spaces between the end of the linked bit and the next bit, whether it be a word, a comma, or an astrophysicist. (I don't know, I'm sorry.) In any case, it's annoying.

Until I get it figured out (which may be never), please just, er, skip the extra spaces. Mentally.

For the nerd in all of us.

I don't care who you are or how much you profess to hate Shakespeare. Kenneth Branagh's Much Ado About Nothingis made of awesome. If you hate Shakespeare and see this movie and still hate Shakespeare, then...well, then you can continue to hate Shakespeare, but our relationship may become strained for at least a few moments.

Okay, so the opening slow-motion sequence is extremely corny. And the Busby Berkeley-like closing scene is a bit much. But in between, there's so much to like! Kenneth Branagh is utterly charming as Benedick, and Emma Thompson's Beatrice has such a combination of wit and heart that it causes you to write cheesy sentences like this one. Keanu Reeves, who was born to play Ted in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, seems like he's dying to say "Dude!" in most of his scenes, but still, you have to give him credit: unlike Leonardo DiCaprio in Romeo + Juliet, you get the feeling that he at least understands what he's saying.

I love this movie. I love Shakespeare in general, but I'm not just praising him blanketly. Frankly, some of his plays suck (I simply cannot abide The Winter's Tale, for instance). But this is not one of those. This source material is simply wonderful, and this adaptation is, I think, accessible to nearly everyone.

And so I leave you. Adieu: be vigitant, I beseech you!

Something to Someone

Everything to Everyone is the only Barenaked Ladies album I own. Not that I wouldn't like to have more. It's just that I don't buy CDs very often because I'm really picky, and when I do go to buy a new CD, I can never decide what to get and never remember what I want, and usually end up buying a movie or some sheet music instead. But anyway.

If you're only going to have one BNL album, Everything to Everyone isn't a bad one to own. It really is everything to everyone. There's the Super Peppy Eighties Tribute Slash Political Satire "Shopping," there's the Strangely Cruel Love Ballad "Have You Seen My Love," there's the Almost A Bluegrass Tune "For You" (my very favorite cut on the album), and even The Song With Typically Funny BNL Lyrics "Another Postcard." And there's all sorts of other stuff, too.

This is an album that I can listen to for a week straight with nothing else mixed in and not get sick of. It's good times. Plus, you gotta admire a band that can write rhyming lyrics using words like "unencumbered," "circumspection," and "lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala." Those are five dollar words, man.

Oh, how I love this show.

I tried and tried, but I couldn't think up a more witty title for this post. I mean, I even tried acronyms: Look Out! Survivors There! Lemony Orange Scent--Timeless. Leprechauns On Some Trees. You can see how this went downhill quickly.

Anyway, ABC's Lost, or LOST, if you prefer the all-caps version, is one of the best shows on television. Okay, some episodes stink, but these are, thankfully, not regular. And I hate hate hate Jack (both the character and the actor that portrays him). But otherwise, I love this show.

Every week (when it's actually on--thank the programming/producing geniuses for that one), I laugh at Hurley's awesome one-liners, gawk at some good looking men (there's pretty girls for the guys, too), and generally squirm with anticipation and questions about what the heck is going on. Some people complain that there are too many questions and not enough answers. To them I say, nah. They can't answer all the questions at once or there'd be no storyline. I maintain that there are just enough tidbits given out to keep me interested. Your mileage may vary.

Lost is definitely some crazy kind of fantasy and/or science fiction, but at its heart I think it's very much a character-driven piece. This means that it may not move fast enough for some people in terms of plot, but if you like pretty interesting and well-developed characters (Jack aside...man, I hate that guy), you should be right at home.

We're currently in season 4, so if you're behind, you absolutely must catch up with season one, season two, and season three. And I'm not just saying that. You really have to, or you won't have any idea what's going on. You might not anyway, but still. Give yourself a fighting chance.

Curious, indeed.

The subtitle to Mary Roach's non-fiction book Stiff is "The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers." She ain't just whistlin' Dixie. (What does that mean, anyway?)

Not for the squeamish or faint of heart (though I think if you can handle CSI you can handle this), Stiff tells you about all the things your body can do after you die, from your basic anatomy lab cadaver to compost and everything (and I do mean everything) in between. It's not graphic or gory, but I'm sure there are times you'll find yourself going, "Ick."

Interesting, informative, educational...and hilarious. Mary Roach writes with a very dry wit, and many, many times I found myself laughing---and then stopped and thought, "Should I be laughing at that?" And then I started laughing again.

Recommendation: Yeah. It's good.